Ministering: Pst. Jite Oscar Orimiono
Text; Genesis 2:18(AMP), Proverbs 18:22 (AMP)
Topic: Dealing with conflict in relationship
God decided to make man a helper, because it is not good for man to be alone. A helper is someone who balances him, that helper is someone who is suitable and complementary. The book of genesis shares the origin of things, so this is how it starts.
When a man finds a wife is not just any woman, it is the one that is true and faithful, the man who finds this is the one that has found a good thing, this is instructive for men, that she supports you as a man. One of the best things that can happen in a marriage situation is when you find someone who has your back; her body speaks peace to you and he supports you.
Talking about conflict in relationships and marriages; Where then does it come from?
How can we avoid or deal with conflict in marriage?, because in a marriage situation, conflict is common. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it is God’s plan for man but it requires work. It is important for us to understand what conflict is, because conflict only shows that the two people in the relationship are different, you won’t always see everything the same way. Marriage is a 24/7, 365 days of intense intimate relationship, this creates proximity, and the likelihood is that you will have some form of conflict with that person. Proximity will lead to familiarity and familiarity after a while will lead to over familiarity which may cause conflict to arise.
When issues arise between spouse, it should not be a reason to think you’re not compatible, because the person closest to you is the person you are likely to offend, not a man or woman walking down the street, the relationships formed outside are different, because those people don’t know you and you don’t know them, if you get closer to them you’ll realize that these people are impossible for you to relate with, talking over a phone and meeting up in an organized setting where everyone is putting up their best behavior, means you do not know those people
Conflict starts from the mind and leads to verbal altercation, the things you’ve proposed in your mind or your heart are what you’re going to verbalize, the words we say may lead to conflict, conflict may also be as a result of the things you’ve done or the things you did not do, and they’re as a result of a close relationship.
Conflict is simple disagreement between two or more persons, conflicts are unresolved or unforgiving offenses, unreconciled differences or opinion, some of us hold so strongly to our point of view that we do not think about the other person, and that’s part of emotional intelligence; understanding your feelings and also understanding the other person’s feelings and how they affect each other.
Conflict is inability for us to reconcile differences, it’s just a matter of flexibility. Sometimes we’re not flexible, there’s no conflict that can’t be reconciled or avoided, he should learn to focus on the facts not the feelings.
What are the things that we need to be mindful of in dealing with conflicts?
The popular ones are money, sex, and communication.
1. Neglect: Marriage is work, and neglect comes as a result of overfamiliarity, high maintenance is needed to avoid neglect.
As husbands there are basic needs, that are expected of you towards your wife, and one is affection, which includes;
-Attention
-Generosity
-Loving kindness
2. Unmet expectations: Discuss with your spouse.
3. Conjugal rights: Refrain from sexual manipulation. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
4. Romance
5. Infidelity: Some people get into infidelity as a result of anger and revenge, and some people have an inordinate sexual appetite and you need to tame it, infidelity may occur when conflict arises and love grows cold.
6. Distraction with smartphones
7. Domestic abuse
8. Incivility: You cannot say it as it is in a marriage relationship, you must choose your words, words can lead someone to commit suicide, so there words you cannot say because marriage shackle’s you, because you can’t do some of the things you want to do.
9. Acceptance: Present your spouse to your family rightly, do not reduce their value.
Conflict Management
1. Identify the conflict issue and deal with it on time
2. Call for a meeting; It can be between the both of you, or with a third party, that is an authority figure in his or her life.
3. Communicate and propose a solution; Choose the words you speak, words don’t die.
4. Close the deal; Be intimate by kissing or hugging and learn to say sorry.
Marriage is as good as the people in the marriage, you cannot do marriage beyond the degree that you know, so knowledge is the first thing to get before love, because there is love the feeling and love the decision, don’t get carried away with the feeling of love, it is unstable.
