Happily Ever After (3) By Rev. Lanre Oluseye

‘Happily ever after’ is not a myth, it is a possibility.

There are problematic marriages in every nation of the world. However, for any marriage to succeed, both spouses must be in agreement on certain key areas:

1. Agree that the Word of God alone is the standard for your marriage.

2. Agree to leave the past in the past. Don’t be an archaeologist in your home.

3. Agree to constantly work on the marriage together. Do a wellness check regularly: have honest conversations with your spouse about the actual status of your marriage.

4. Agree that you will both need to change as you go along. Be flexible and ready to adapt.

5. Agree that disagreements are okay. Don’t let little things become big things. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

6. Agree that you will each give your 100% to the marriage; no half-measures. Love must be blind, not before marriage, but in marriage.

Things that hurt your marriage/spouse that you need to stop doing immediately

1. Invalidation – dismissing the feelings of your spouse. It’s a slow poison that not only damages the union but also affects the brain. Learn to praise your spouse. Apologize for making them feel the way they’re feeling and let them know it wasn’t your intention to make them feel that way.

2. Unresolved Conflicts – once there’s an issue; fix it. Don’t just move on or ignore conflicts that are yet to be settled.

3. Score-keeping – you catalog what you are doing for your spouse against what your spouse is NOT doing for you. It gives you selective blindness – you don’t see what they’re doing for you but only what they didn’t do.

4. Subtle disrespect – insults packaged as jokes.

5. Passive aggressive behaviors – including silent treatment and weaponizing of sex.

To deal with the above hurts;

Communicate with your spouse any of the issues that affect you negatively in the marriage. Call it out. Pinpoint specific issues so they can be dealt with. Do a marital wellness check.